So, here we are .. Rather here I am. I had created all these plans
and milestones. I planned to have my braces off before thirty, the second
degree and the first degree holder in my family, completed by thirty. My skin
glowing and hair flowing, by thirty. No kids and potentially dating, by thirty.
Buying a condo, or another home, by thirty. Well folks, I completed 4.5 out of
the rest. Let’s just say I had all these milestones, goals and plans and I hadn’t
thought past graduation. I had to walk across the park in my cap and gown and
post my “I finally made it” but I felt rather empty. .
I wasn’t sure why I felt empty, but I began taking inventory as the pictures
were being snapped my best friend. “Who did I do this degree for? Why did I
need to walk across the stage? Why did I have to rush for my braces to be put
on and taken off? What did two degrees, no kids, no spouse, a beautiful home
and a stable career really mean to me? What did it mean to the world?” It was
then, that I realized that everything that I was working toward had a little bit
of hope and social acceptance wrapped around each milestone that I created for THIRTY.
So, whats next. What was next after my plans? My plans for the world
to know that I was serious but funny. Talented but hard working, curious but stable.
Worth it despite not feeling worthy all the time. Committed but fickle at times.
Well, like you I too realized the greatest freedom once I had run out of plans.
Yes, I have goals, dreams and aspirations but I no longer want to do them for an
outward reward. I want personal wins, wins that don’t have to celebrated on a
stage. Wins that don’t come with a piece of paper and cake ceremony. Wins that
had pain and pleasure wrapped in fleeting forever’s. I wanted wholeness, and
with that, no matter what comes next, I am confident that it will propel me closer
to the desires of my heart.
What’s next for you? After your plans of course...
Sincerely,
Shameless
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